This Made My Day!

I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING!

My Race

The quarter is almost over. This year's final Finals Week is just a few weeks away. I should be experiencing one of those last minute bursts of energy that marathon runners say that they feel upon turning a corner and seeing their finish line for the first time. Personally, I think that they start falling forward out of sheer exhaustion, the kind that I am experiencing right now, and make themselves believe it is a personal effort. Exhaustion does that to people. It makes us loopy.

To be blunt, and I need to be with and for myself, I've made some really stupid decisions lately. I have really hurt Kevin, my hometown boyfriend of two years, and dumped him about a month ago after being a real bitch. I silence my phone every time Laura calls because she asks questions about how I'm feeling that I don't want to have to deal with right now. Sorry Laura :(. And I haven't talked to my family in weeks, and until today I didn't really care to. Sorry mom. :*(

I haven't been myself. I'm usually happy and spunky, positive an optimistic. But lately I've been acting like a vacuum for happiness, sucking it dry wherever I go and whoever I'm with. And it's not because I'm on drugs or hanging out with the wrong people or whatever else society blames teenage angst on these days. It's because I'm in college and away from home, and both of those situations suck right now. It sucks that I don't have the luxury to leave. It sucks that I don't have a choice.

Summer's finish line, save me please. I'll put on a number and run if I have to. Just hurry and come. I want to go home. :(

Envy is so cruel!!

I saw this on the internet and couldn't help but laugh and feel bad at the same time. It must be terrible to feel like you're an outsider like that. And all of those thin girls are so pretty and how that must make her feel. I just want to hug her.

Speaking of being "on the outside," spring break is coming up and I couldn't afford a flight home for the week. I will be in my dorm and probably all alone, which isn't a bad thing, but I definitely don't need to spend more time on my computer. I wrote a big note and put it on my screen that says "GO TO THE BEEEECH!!!" cause I really should get out. But I'm so pasty it probably wouldn't be a good idea.

I envy those that tan easily. =(

This is New!

I've never done any blogging, so I'm sorry if I'm no good at it. I'm not even sure what I'm going to be writing about either. I read lots of blogs but authoring doesn't feel natural to me at all, and it should feel natural right?

My best friend in the whole wide world, Laura, told me that writing a blog would help me destress. I'm in my freshman year at the University of California, Irvine, and think I am in way over my head. There are so many smart people around here and I feel like I am the only one that stares at my professors with my mouth wide open and glossy eyes. I've had people ask me if I'm okay it's so bad.

I just don't know whats going on. I'm in my third quarter and have no idea what I'm majoring in. That scares me more than anything right now. I started thinking I wanted to do journalism but as you can probably tell already I don't write so well. My thoughts are all over the place and finding structure to them isn't something I want to spend all my time doing. I'm just not good at it and that's that.

It's not that I'm bad at school. I do study and learn and actually got good grades in high school. I even skipped a grade in elementary. But this is soooo much more serious than anything I've ever done! There's always some place to go, people to see, studies to study. It's no wonder half the people here look constipated all the time. There's no time to do anything but study!

I'm not sure how long I can keep this up. I'm stressed and completely frustrated. My social life is shot so I have to resort to this blog to destress, and I'm trying to think of things to write about and get frustrated because my life is just plain boring. The most exciting thing I've done recently is color my hair. That is the highlight of my month! B O R I N G. I'm getting more frustrated just thinking about it.

I'm sorry I'm unloading all of this all at once and in my first post. I think I need to relax first before writing. I'm going to hang out in the lounge for a bit. There's a great arcade down there and it has Dance Dance Revolution! Time to vent a little steam. Peace! ^.^